Unity Handfasting Ceremony

The act of handfasting is symbolically joining two people who have made serious and heartfelt promises to each other. Your handfasting should be uniquely your own! In some places you may have seen it spelled “hand-fasting” or referred to as “hand-wrapping”.

Handfasting by itself does not constitute an act recognized by the government, any more than an exchange of rings would. To be considered a legal marriage in Connecticut, a marriage license must be obtained, and the ceremony must be conducted by an authorized officiant.

It would be a pleasure to legally join you by handfasting, as long as you obtain the required marriage license. If you would like a purely symbolic handfasting (that is, a union that is not legally binding), I would be happy to do that as well!

There is much more to say about the tradition of handfasting! You’re welcome to ask me about it; I’m always happy to talk about handfasting....

You should use whatever you prefer. Some people prefer cords for symbolic strength. Other people prefer ribbons for symbolic delicacy. Yarn tends to stretch too much.

There’re no rules about what you use to be handfasted. You might decide to use neither cords nor ribbons. Some couples have been handfasted with pretty scarves, others with an ivy vine or grape vine.

You could use real plants or imitations. What you use should be flexible enough to wrap around your hands or wrists and to be tied into a knot.

Ideally, cords should be no smaller than the diameter of your little finger, and no bigger than your thumb. There are exceptions, of course. Your handfasting cords or ribbons should no shorter than one yard (three feet).

Please see the Sample Handfasting Colors, below, for some example colors and their suggested meanings. No matter what symbolism you choose for a color, nobody can tell you you’re wrong.

Most fabric or notions stores will have both cords and ribbons, each usually sold by the yard.

You can choose any colors that you’d like. Most couples prefer that we talk about the colors’ symbolic meanings. Please see the Sample Handfasting Colors, below.

There are no rules about the number of cords or ribbons that you can have (or must have) for your handfasting. People sometimes think of the Bible quotation, “A three-fold cord is not easily broken.” and decide to use three cords (and three cord vows) for their handfasting.

You can be handfasted with just one cord or with as many as six to eight ribbons.

For handfasting cords, six cords is about the maximum you’ll feel comfortable with.

For handfasting ribbons, one consideration is how long it will take to tie the knots.

Absolutely! You can have your guests do your actual handfasting if you have a relatively small number of guests; ten, for example. The amount of time your handfasting takes would depend on how quickly your guests could form an orderly line and tie the knots.

One advantage of having your guests handfast you is that when you invite a small number of people, you could ask each person (or couple) to bring a yard of ribbon with them. You could ask all your guests to bring a specific color, or you could ask each guest to bring a yard of their favorite color. You might end up with all white or all red ribbons, or with a ribbon rainbow.